The Pink Panther
by Chi Shiro
Summary: Bobby gets his comeuppance. Slash. Beast/Iceman


So I'm trying to work on the second chapter of "Just say hello" and the first chapter of "Beads of Bourbon street" when the muses snuck up on me...

Title: The Pink Panther

Author: Chi Shiro

Pairing: Beast/Iceman (who else?)

Rating: Walking the line of PG 13

Warnings: Slash

Archive: Sure, they like to play with other people.

Sequel/Sister story: Nope

Feedback: Is like water to a man lost in the desert

Disclaimer: You know what, no. I'm not going to admit those people own X-men. All I know is I don't own them and am making no money off of this.

A/N: I know it's two and a half months to April Fools. Try telling my muses that.

Dedicated to my ex-husband. Thanks for keeping the kids outta my hair long enough to type this up, Goruda.

Bobby gets his comeuppance.

* * *

Soft. Cold. Wet. Wonderful words to describe how Robert Drake-McCoy was feeling at the moment. He mentally added. Dark. Freaked out. Starting to cramp. 

He really didn't understand it. Last night he had prepared his traditional April Fools treat for his fellow X-men and then hopped into bed. Spooned with his husband for awhile. Warm, wonderful Hank surrounding him and lulling him to sleep.

And now he was...outside? What the bloody hell was he doing outside? And naked. Very, very naked. Gonna have grass stains on his balls if someone didn't let him up soon.

This really wasn't funny. His powers didn't work. And the day was still very young. Cold dew on his cheek. On his back. God, he hoped that was dew on his back. Hard to tell with the blindfold on.

If he ever figured this out he was going to kill someone. No, Hank was going to kill someone. No one touched the Beast's mate. Not unless they wanted to lose a few fingers. If they were lucky.

Crunch of footsteps on the grass. Too light to be Hank. Too heavy to be most of the remaining students. Thank God.

Second set of footsteps, a little heavier than the first. Teammates! His teammates would help him. They had to. They were family. They were his friends. They were...

Click!

...Dead. Yup, they were dead. Early enough in the day that the flash of the camera seeped through the blindfold.

"Think we should carry him back to the house," the voice of reason. They'd had their fun. Scott would let him go.

"Naw. Sign says "Don' Touch", Slim. We should prob'ly respect it," aged, dark voice. Gonna ice Wolverine's liquor cabinet. Yes he was. And the cigars too.

Trying to mumble around the gag. If he could just get this thing from out between his legs. He felt like crying. So vulnerable. Not even his hubby saw him this vulnerable. Some kind of rod spreading him wide for the world to see, cuff on either thigh to keep the damned thing in place.

The footfalls began to fade. Fuck! Salvation walking away just like that. Dead. Both of them. Make sure Hank hears all about this. He'll notice Bobby missing, eventually. Maybe around suppertime. Or bedtime, if the lab is particularly interesting today.

A soft hum coming from the handcuffs. Genoshan in design. Well, that explains the missing powers. Somebody really must hate him. Leave him outside...please be in the woods and not the front lawn...face pressed into the earth and ass up in the air. Leave him in a "come fuck me" pose for all the world to see.

Someone was dead.

* * *

"Hank," the voice of reason ventured into the lab. A world tinted by shades of red. Beast's head a purple blob in the storage cabinet. Wolverine sniffing the air at his side. 

"New shampoo, doc?"

"Salutations, fearless leader, Logan. Wonderful morning, is it not? As I awoke on this fine morn there were deer on the front lawn."

A brow quirked, unseen behind the visor. "Did you happen to notice the naked Iceman out there, as well? All we need are a few lawn gnomes and we'll have the  
best decorated yard on the block."

"Hmm, naked Iceman you say? Robert was at my side this morning. I still have drool stains in my fur if you'd like to see. I'm a very, how does my darling like to vocalize it...ah...yes, munchable teddy bear," the big thing-you-don' t-want-to- meet-in-the- dark grin. He was sure Hank had a patent on it.

"Beast," ooh, codename. Pulling rank, being leader this morning, "I've put up with a lot since you and Iceman decided to..."

Silence. God, did he have to say it? It was Hank. It was Bobby. They were practically brothers.

"...Get married?"

"...Yes." Gritting through his teeth. Wanted to blast the smile right off of Hank's face. "Damnit, Hank! Don't play coy! The "Do Not Touch" sign is in your handwriting! "

"Is it, now?" Big body moving around in the storage closet. Built so he could fit in the closet. And Scott vaguely wishes he would have stayed there.

And then Wolverine began to gawhuf. Too hard not to.Beast, from his shoulders down, that lovely bright pink. The biggest balloon in the pride parade.

"Oh...I..." Something unusual to leave fearless speechless. "Um, carry on."

"It extends below the rim of my undergarments, if you'd like to see."

"I said carry on!"

* * *

Sorry, Scott. 

Short, I know. But I'm working on getting the writing groove back.

-Chi Shiro


End file.
